Parenting Through Your Divorce
by: Denise Esecson, MFT
Here is a quick reference guide of DO'S and DON'T'S for Helping Your Children Through Your Divorce:
DO
Do encourage your children to talk openly about their feelings
Do emphasize that the divorce was not their fault
Do understand that your children's behavior may reflect feelings of anger, fear, confusion, sadness and loss. Validate their feelings, allow them to be angry with you
Do be honest with your children about the finality of divorce according to what is age appropriate
Do keep your children informed about family-life changes such as moving, visitation, activities, schedules, etc.
Do remain consistent with established rules and expectations even if they are not the same in the other parent's household.
Do make the effort to spend quality time with each child every day.
Do commit to protecting your children from being involved in parental conflict. Agree on co-parenting strategies that benefit the children
Do take all necessary steps to ensure a safe and stable home environment
Do seek professional help if your children are experiencing unresolved problems in response to your divorce
DON'T
Don't blame the other parent such that children take sides
Don't speak negatively about the other parent in front of your children
Don't assign children the role of “message carrier” to the other parent
Don't allow your children to bear the burdens of your emotional and or financial concerns.
Don't use your child as a confidant -- you must remain the parent and the adult.
Don't allow your feelings to stand in the way of your children's desire to have a relationship with the other parent or stepparent.
Don't forget to reassure the children that the parents will continue to love them even though Mom and Dad are not getting along
Don't promise your children more than you can deliver; be realistic about your plans, including new living arrangements, time spent with children as they try to find a new sense of security in their lives
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